Thursday, July 28, 2005

Rules of Non-Parliamentary Procedure

For The Orderly Conduct of Orthodox Parish Meetings

So that all Greek/Russian/Antiochian/Serbian/(insert your ethnicity here) Parish Meetings may be conducted in an orderly manner, with due respect for propriety and dignity, the following rules are hereby established by universal consent (with the majority dissenting):

  1. Point of Personal Outrage: At any time during a meeting when a participant becomes extremely upset, he or she shall have the right to interrupt any other speaker, will not be required to wait for recognition from the Chair, and has the obligation to speak at a volume considerably higher than required for normal Conversation.
  2. Point of Irrelevant Interjection: Irrespective of the motion on the floor, the participant shall have the right to monopolize the meeting for not more than five minutes as he or she discourses on a point the relevance of which escapes all other participants.
  3. Point of Personal Attack: In response to a point raised by another speaker, the participant shall have the right to reply by launching a personal attack. At no time shall the point itself be addressed.
  4. Point of Ethnic Purity: The participant shall of the right to impugn the ethnic identity of any other participant, alleging that he or she or their families have not maintained adequate “Greek/Russian/Arabic/whatever-ness”.
  5. Point of Contempt: The Participant shall have the right to grunt, throw papers down on the table, shake his or her head vigorously, or otherwise demonstrate contempt for the proceedings.
  6. Point of Harassment: The participant shall have the right to introduce irrelevant motions for the sole purpose of delaying the meeting. It is only permissible to resort to a point of harassment when the outcome of the vote is obvious.
  7. Point of Redundant Information: This is not to be confused with the more familiar “point of information”. Whereas a point of information is a request for information from the chair, a point of redundant information entitles the participant to tell those in the meeting something they already know.
  8. Point of Redundancy: This is a motion that entitles the participant to make a point made by another participant no more than five speakers earlier.
  9. Point of Pious Posturing: This entitles the participant to make reference to any item in the Bible or Orthodox Teaching that allegedly supports his or her point of view. A correct quotation, however, immediately disqualifies the point.
  10. Point of Grudge: Entitles the participant to raise an issue debated by the organization not less than five years earlier, for which the participant has not yet forgiven those involved.

(adapted from "Chioros' Rules of Non-Parliamentary Procedure for Meetings of Greek Organizations," by Michael Chioros)


Jennifershmoo said...

Gee, I think I've been to that meeting.

Mr. H said...